We’ve all seen the sailing you tube stars, basking in the light of their own egos with glistening water rushing up against the hull of a gently healing boat. All the while, their children rest quietly on bean bags seated at the bow.
It never rains, the rainbows only come in doubles, and the parents never, ever fight.
Allow me to peel back those frosty layers of icing and show you the not so creamy filling on the inside:
Imagine you’ve just spent all day doing laundry at a marina in the hot buggy swamps of Florida. In between loads you went to the store and schlepped all your groceries onto the dinghy and out to your anchorage in the pouring rain. Now you’re sitting down on a wet seat cushion getting ready to eat dinner with your family which you prepared with the last bit of strength you had left in the tank.
Then, the unthinkable happens..
After a little potty drama in the middle of dinner, you are faced with the stark realization that your youngest has parasites (the gruesome details of which I will spare you).
The next four weeks of your life will be an absolute living hell.
When you have small children, you will likely encounter a common parasite at one point or another. The escalation of horror that will unfurl exists on an entirely different level when you live on a boat. This catastrophe befell us while we were getting our boat ready to sail to the Exumas. We spent all summer in the hot and buggy, bacteria filled waters of Vero Beach, Florida preparing for the trip. As we neared the end of our preparations I was almost sure that nothing could possibly be worth the hassle. And then, my toddler, Pepper, gave us all parasites.
It was awful. Horrible. Exponentially worse than the time I got bed bugs in the Jungles of Ecuador.
I was ready to throw in the towel. Nothing could possibly be worth all this. Nothing!!
Except…
The view from the bow of my boat as I write this, with the sun setting over glassy water as clear as the sky.
And the sea horses I swam with in Eluthera.
And watching my kids collect bags and bags of sea glass from a secluded beach on the Atlantic.
And the fever of Eagles Rays soaring around me in Warderick Wells. These moments hold more value in my memory bank than anything I posses.
As it turns out, the best things in life are hard, and after we finally set sail for the crystal waters of the Exumas, I can say it has been worth every minute of the struggle.
Keeping it Real
I’m a 36 year old wife and mother of two who believes that we all poop, we all fight, we all bleed, cry, sweat and hurt. I think the more we try to cover up our ugly human side, the more we turn our backs on our own humanity. I am here to impart our adventurous travel without rose colored glasses.
In my opinion, the key to success on any endeavor, is having realistic expectations.
As we debunk the myths, and relay the realities versus the dream; the good, the bad and the ugly will lay itself bare in a collage of truthful discussion.
First topic under discussion in our quest to relay a realistic picture of sailing with kids:
Danger
Is sailing with small children dangerous? I think this is the biggest hindrance to families out there that want to live a life of freedom on the water.
Sailing can feel terribly vulnerable and dangerous at times. Who would want to put their children in a perilous situation in the middle of no where?
In reality, the most dangerous thing you will ever probably do is get behind the wheel of your car and drive on the highway. Any insurance agent will give you the statistics. I’ve already asked mine! If you want to know where real danger lies, look at statistics, they don’t lie, folks.
But there is one aspect of sailing that harbors a real danger to kids: water.
Drowning is the leading cause of death in children under 4.
Water and Kids
There is usually a pool involved in most pediatric drownings in America, but regardless, water is incredibly dangerous for children.
The reason I brought up the pool is because it’s worth investigating why pools are the culprits behind so many pediatric drownings. Unbelievably, a lifeguard and even the parents are often present. How can this be? Well, pools have been marketed, packaged and normalized to be a safe place for our children. But they are anything but that. It feels safe because we put our kids in flotation. But the minute your child encounters water without their flotation on, they will think they are wearing flotation, and jump right in. Drowning is quick and silent. Here is the Center for Disease Control’s take on pediatric drownings in America. If children knew what would happen if they got in the water without their swim wings on, they would not be so quick to jump in. But too often, children find themselves accidentally near water without flotation, and their bodies don’t know the difference. Remember, all children learn through proprioception until they are 6 (engaging physically in the world around them).
On a boat, the water doesn’t feel safe, and that in itself will keep your kids safer than they would be at a public pool.
I read an article recently about the dangers of “feeling”safe. It focuses on the ways humans act in scenarios where they don’t feel safe, versus how they act in scenarios where they feel safer.
In the article, a group of roofers were tested and found to consistently take more risk when they had more safety gear on. The risks they took far outweighed the safety gear.
Is it possible that when we feel less safe, we act in ways that keep us safer?
Real Danger in Plain Sight
When we aren’t traveling by boat or RV, we live in Asheville, NC. It has become one of many burgeoning ‘beer capitals’ in the US. The breweries now come equipped with playgrounds and kids corners. That’s all grand, but the big picture is simply this: the establishments are promoting drinking and driving with kids in the car.
It blows my mind. Drinking and driving is one of the most dangerous things a person can do (statistically), and yet, so many of us partake in it to the point where it’s blatantly normalized at breweries and bars.
It’s so easy to feel comfortable and safe in our insulated lives at home. Amidst the daily monotonous routine, what feels normal and safe can be a statistical wildfire.
‘Safe’ Boating
In the boating world, most people would rather travel on a motor boat, because it’s easier, but also because it feels safer. But did you know that the majority of boating fatalities happen on motor boats? And the majority of those deaths were alcohol related? That’s according to this article from the United States Coast Guard.
And here’s a funny (but not so funny) fact for you: most man over board fatalities on all boats happen while men are peeing off the back of their vessel.
Now, back to the dangers of sailing with kids!
We have established that water is unsafe. So how do we responsibly address this?
Effective Tools for Pediatric Aquatic Safety
Here are some ways to strongly mitigate the danger:
- Teach your kids to save their own lives in the water with ISR: Infant Swimming Resource. This program will teach your child, from 6 months of age to 6 years, how to rescue themselves in the water should they fall in. They will learn to back float, and how to get to their back float. Unless the child falls perfectly flat on their backs with no momentum, how will they attain that position? They have to learn how to roll onto their backs from any presentation. And if they are 1 year or older, they learn all of that and how to swim. This program is very demanding but it’s worth it. I’m obsessed in case you can’t tell. I’m so obsessed in fact, that I became an ISR instructor myself and taught my kids and many other kids how to attain a back-float in the water.
- Avoid flotation in the water. Obviously they should wear a life jacket on the boat when appropriate, but try to avoid letting them swim with flotation. Once they have a repetitive sensorimotor experience of being in the water with flotation, then their little brains and bodies will think they are boyant and will likely be quick to jump in the water when you least expect it. Here’s a list of aquatic safety tools from the Infant Swimming Resource Website.
- Keep your eyes and ears always open. Have a water proof head lamp ready to use in case a child falls in the water at night. Use consistent rules on the boat, and try not to get lazy with them.
- Don’t let your kids run on the dock. Most boating accidents involving kids occur on the dock (or on motorboats). Don’t let your guard down just because you’ve touched down on land. Marinas are chaotic and there’s little room for error at many of them.
- Safety Turtle: This is a brilliant idea that I wish someone would expand on. The safety turtle is a simple concept: A device worn by a child with an alarm that goes off if it gets wet. It was invented for use near family pools, but unfortunately, the device hasn’t been available for years. But maybe somebody reading this is a brilliant inventor and run with the concept and cater it to sailing families.
Is Sailing with Kids more Dangerous than Life at Home?
The takeaway: sailing does have a certain amount of risk, but it’s no more risky than our lives at home would be.
Statistically speaking, sailing with kids is less dangerous than public school. Unfortunately, school shootings have become a real danger in every day life for kids in America.
Now in an effort to keep it real here, I will share a terrifying moment involving a child on our boat. We were watching our buddy boat’s 5 year old for a few hours so he could play with our oldest daughter, Emilia. They were sitting quietly eating crackers when I heard a terrifying sound, or should I say lack of sound. Conrad was choking. A nightmarish cloud of terror overcame my senses as I realized what was happening. I ran to him and started the Heimlich maneuver. After a few seconds I began to panic since he still wasn’t getting any air. Then, to my amazement, a coin flew out of his mouth and onto the deck. Conrad had decided to play with some of Emilia’s coins in his mouth in between eating crackers.
This incident was a stark reminder that it doesn’t matter where you are. Kids are the most lovable creatures, but they basically have mush for brains. And wherever you are, kids will be kids.
Speaking of kids being kids, lets cover the most difficult (in my opinion) part of sailing with kids:
Boatschooling/Homeschooling
What does school on a boat really look like? I’ll start off by saying this: it ain’t always pretty. Instagram and other social media platforms sugar coat the idea of homeschooling. They dip it in syrup and put it on a palatable plate for parents to drool over. Probably because homeschooling parents are already under fire of criticism from family, friends and outsiders alike, so of course, none of us want to make it look difficult. If we did that, people might start wondering why on earth we are doing it at all. But newsflash: it is difficult.
Everyone has a different reason for homeschooling. As a friend so poignantly described it, “we are all swimming in our own deep end of the pool.” For us, it’s fairly simple: it’s the only way we can travel. It was never really a dream or even a vision of mine. But now that I’m doing it, I see the benefits far outweigh the cons.
I remember when I first brought up our dream of sailing with our kids to family members, the biggest eyebrow raising aspect of it all was the topic of school. How can any child naturally grow and progress on a sailboat? And how can they have healthy social growth while in isolation?
Let me answer that by debunking the first common myth of sailing with kids.
Myth: Kids are Isolated on a Boat.
For us, this is absolutely untrue. We have made more friends and had deeper connections with others while living on a sailboat than we ever did at home. In Florida, in Boot Key Harbor, there were loads of other boat schooling kids. They even had a meet up group for homeschooling sailing kids in the harbor. We didn’t just make friends, we made good friends.
And in the Bahamas, we teamed up with a buddy boat and made best friends instantly, parents and kids alike. We’ve had more play dates on our boat than we ever did at home. And the play dates out here are way more fun; with parents and kids playing in nature’s playground, where the toys fit everyone of every age.
Healthy socialization isn’t just possible for kids on boats, it’s probable. And it will most likely come in the form of a deeper connection than you will find from dirt dwellers. There’s something about sailing that breaks down the walls of human interaction. People are more open, less superficial and more into living life, and not trying to cover anything up. As sailors, we are already outside our comfort zones, which puts everyone on a more level playing field from the get go.
Next Myth: homeschooling will come naturally.
This myth I believe is more fueled by social media than anything.
For us, it’s 100 percent false.
There’s nothing easy about teaching your own children. It sucks. It’s not fun, it’s not natural, and it’s anything but easy. I’m not using this information to deter anyone from embarking on this journey, I’m sharing it because if you go into it thinking it will be “fun bonding time under rainbows and shooting stars” you are not setting yourself up for success. “Natural” is being surrounded by a village where everyone helps raise each other’s children, and teaching is part of a community effort in an applied learning environment. “Unnatural” is trying to teach your own child something alone, when power struggles and family dynamics overpower the room.
All that being said; the benefits are overwhelming. I believe that the easy road usually has no lasting reward, while difficult paths tend to come with bigger, deeper benefits. Watching my own child learn to read, write and do math is incredible. And the best part is that I’m here to cater to her learning style. It’s a one to one ratio of teacher to student.
If she isn’t learning something a certain way, I have the time and attention to notice it, and try something different. If I had 20 other students to teach, I would probably suggest that she get on meds, because without meds she definitely requires one on one teaching in order to stay focused.
The other benefit is that through travel, there are endless concepts that they learn through first hand application without even trying.
My daughter is well aware of climate change while seeing first hand the changes in the coral reefs we snorkel. She knows what coral bleaching looks like. She also knows what a nurse shark is, and what makes it different from a tiger or a bull shark.
There are so many lessons she learns naturally just by being on the boat. She knows about wind, water, boats, and the effects that weather have on us. She’s learning about the physical world, in a physical way.
While I’m not opposed to traditional schooling, I also believe that institutionalized education is probably the most unnatural way to educate our children. It’s a fairly recent idea that rode in on the tails of the Industrial Revolution: put large groups of kids in a building sitting in chairs to learn concepts without much practical application, all to the ringing of a bell under halogen lighting behind closed doors. That feels more like a prison setting than a constructive learning environment. It seems more beneficial to a mass work force for assembly lines and factories post industry boom.
But these opinions and observations don’t necessarily make homeschooling in itself easy or sustainable. It’s incredibly hard and probably harder on a boat, where small spaces surrounded by water can feel maddeningly confining.
Another idea for traveling families would be “unschooling.” I myself have not taken up this new radical approach, but I think it’s an incredible concept and possibly more sustainable for nomads. I have a feeling it will be in the cards for us soon, once we elevate beyond basic reading and math. The idea is that “learning” is more authentic and meaningful, when children can pursue their own passion.
Why associate learning with negativity and power struggles when it can be associated with pursuing one’s passions?
Food for thought!!
There really is no right or wrong answer here, I don’t think homeschooling on a boat is any more or less sustainable than it would be at home in a stationary environment, I just think the expectations should be realistic.
The takeaway here is that it’s not going to be easy to homeschool your kids, but out here, on the boat, the view is much nicer than from the couch at home.
To preserve your mental health, go into it expecting it to be difficult, and the worst case is that you won’t be surprised.
Homeschooling/BoatSchooling Resources:
Sailing Totem on homeschooling/boatschooling.
The curriculum we currently use for reading and math: The Good and the Beautiful.
My favorite World Schooling Book: The World is our Classroom: How one Family used Nature and Travel to Shape an Extraordinary Education.
Now that we have homeschooling/boat schooling covered, let’s move on to:
Money!
Now we get to the good stuff right? The juicy details of financial woes.
I’ll keep this brief, as it’s a pretty simple concept:
Sailing is almost free. It costs absolutely nothing to drop the hook and stay a while almost anywhere, except places like Belize, or the Land and Sea Park in the Bahamas where they charge you to anchor your boat. But it’s not hard to avoid those spots.
We have been living in the Exumas, Bahamas for four months now, and the only thing we have paid for is food and laundry.
We are actually saving money by being on the boat.
Our secret sauce is short term rental. Our house back home is short term rented on air b and b, so technically we make money to travel, and since it’s short term rented and not long term, we always have a place to go back to if we need or want to.
But all that money we save by traveling in paradise is quickly lost when something on the boat breaks. That’s when all the corny jokes come out: “what does BOAT stand for? Break Out Another Thousand.” Or, “if you want to know what owning a boat is like, go take a cold shower with all your clothes on and start flushing 100$ bills down the drain.”
All of that is true, when something breaks. So in my opinion, it evens out. You save the money you would normally spend on consumer culture in the States by living more simply on a boat. But then you spend it on repairs when something big breaks.
But something else to consider financially when sailing (especially in the Exumas) is:
Food
Financial topics segue nicely into the topic of food. Food is the topic of another article I want to cover, as my outlook on food, and my relationship with it has drastically changed since living on the boat.
When I’m back home, food is squandered, wasted, taken for granted, and often overlooked.
On the boat, food is a pillar of our day. We plan so much around it, we waste nothing, and we enjoy the experience of eating it as well as catching it.
Financially, food is cheaper because we waste less, go out to eat less, and if possible, we catch our own meat.
The idea and experience of food on the boat is so different. Back home food is just a business transaction, but here, it encompasses so much of our existence, in a healthy way. When we catch our own food, we cook it with love and eat it more mindfully. We enjoy and relish in the experience thoroughly. .
I love watching my kids see our food come from the ocean, alive, and make it’s way onto our plates. It teaches them so much about our existence, and helps them understand that food doesn’t start out prepackaged in a grocery store. Meat is a living breathing thing until it’s slaughtered.
Produce
Vegetables and fruit is another matter entirely. In some of the more remote places, like the Exumas, it can be hard to find produce in excess. I say ‘excess’ because in the states, we are all very used to things being delivered to us in excess. We forget that we don’t actually need an entire warehouse full of fruit to chose from.
Bananas and oranges will do just fine for a few days.
No one is going to get scurvy.
But, if you need a daily supply of tropical fruit, you may want to think about your destinations and daily access to produce. Here in the Exumas, we have not been wanting for anything. But, there is not an “excess” of produce around every corner.
The groceries are more expensive here, but it evens out since we waste less, catch our own meet about 1/3 of the time, and go out to eat almost never.
I love that food is such a daily endeavor in this lifestyle, but it does hinder one aspect of our lives that is a constant struggle for us:
Time
This topic is important to discuss if you want to have realistic expectations of living on a boat. I have spoken with other sailing families that went into this life with fantastical imaginings of sitting on a beach reading a book while the kids play in the sand. The reality: You will be lucky if you have time to take a shower at the end of the day.
I had a relative ask me recently what I do all day on the sailboat. I stared at him incredulously, at which he responded, “you have nothing but free time over there right?”
Oh my God, he’s serious.
I couldn’t believe it. I didn’t even know what to say. I don’t even have time to scratch my ass. In fact, if you knew the sacrifices I had to make just to take a few minutes to sit down and write this!!!!
There is no free time on a boat with children. None. If you have to do laundry, it will take you all day. If you have to get groceries, it will take you all day. And while you do these seemingly mundane tasks, know that there will be something on the boat that will require your partner’s attention, and you will be doing all of these chores with your kids in tow. Which means if you have a wagon that you plan to carry your groceries and laundry in, plan to share that space with your kids, because it will be hot and sunny, or cold and rainy, and they will get tired and they will require to be picked up or ride in the wagon while you schlepp all you things to the store and the laundromat and the boat and back. And, the eternal struggle of all struggles will be hauling your water if you d0n’t have a water make on board.
It won’t just suck up all the precious hours in the day, it will sap you of all your physical strength.
It’s intense. But, like I said before, for us it’s worth it. (And having a watermaker has taken a huge load off our plates.)
Speaking of time, how does it look to work on the boat when time is in such limited supply?
Working Remotely while Sailing with Kids
Time is always an issue when you’re running multiple businesses, whether you chose to do it from home or traveling abroad. But it doesn’t feel any less sustainable on the boat than at home. We are available when we need to be, and if we don’t have service, we have a handheld Garmin In Reach Device that we can use to send and receive text messages.
My husband and I run a small gutter cleaning company remotely. It sounds a bit abstract, and, it kind of is.
Whether you’re running a small plumbing company or a corporate chain of restaurants, the foundation of running a company remotely is the same. Systems have to be in place before you leave, and the individuals that work for you have to be invested in the company’s success.
In addition to the gutter company, we run an Air b and b and 3 long term rental properties.
With so many moving parts so far away, it feels incredibly intimidating and somewhat overwhelming. And of course, whenever the work phone rings, the kids start screaming about something. (That’s no different at home, though.)
Covid taught us how to run our company without “contact.” The secretaries had to work from home, and all the employees had to get out the door with as little co-mingling as possible. I guess we took that concept and we ran with it.
The same goes for the Air b and b, all the systems were set in place before we took off. It was a painfully long and arduous process. But what’s life without a little hustle?
Our biggest hurdle to all of these moving parts while working remotely?
Internet
If I could do one thing differently on this trip I would absolutely get Starlink installed on the boat. But like so many other boaters, I would get the RV version of the Starlink, and just turn it off while passage making to save loads of money. We have been let down by Verizon, Aliv, wifi pucks, and My Island Wifi. Nothing has been able to give us reliable service and internet connection. Do yourself a favor and get Starlink. Everyone raves about it, including me and I don’t even have it yet.
Being in a remote location makes all aspects of normal life a bit more complicated, the most intimidating of which can be the topic of healthcare.
Health and Health Insurance while Sailing with Kids.
I would like to start this topic off by saying that healthcare in the states is a joke. We pay over 12,000$ a year for healthcare that covers nothing.
Anytime one of us gets sick or needs medicine, we have to pay out of pocket, and endure the long torcher of the American beaurocratic system. It’s not enough to take all of our money, they have to take all of our time and sanity as well.
On this most recent sailing trip to the Bahamas, my husband was poked by a Lionfish. It was awful. We all waited the long 12 hours of his suffering in the middle of nowhere in the Exumas, wondering if we would have to helicopter him to Nassau for hospital treatment. Luckily he pulled through, but a few days later he got a nasty infection.
So we took him to a nearby doctor when we got to Georgetown in the Exumas. Some locals took one look at his hand and gave our whole family a ride to the emergency room.
And let me tell you: it was a breeze. The hospital attendants took our money and gave my husband the care and medicine he needed and we were all on our way.
We paid around $50 for it all, and waited just a few minutes.
Traveling abroad feels intimidating when you think about medical care, but for us, we’ve found it easier, cheaper, and quicker than anything I’ve experienced in the States.
If we ever go full time traveling abroad, I might rethink the whole healthcare thing entirely.
I mean, think about it: in less than 10 years, before any actual medical expenses have incurred, we will have spent well over 100,000$ in health insurance, which covered nothing.
In case anyone was wondering, you can live very comfortably with that kind of money, almost anywhere in the world.
But when things do go south, it pays to be prepared. Getting antibiotics before traveling isn’t a bad idea.
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